


when i'm staring down the barrel

by hellmalik



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: M/M, and some kind of super powers, it's a superpower au i think, let me know if there's anything else I should tag, there's mentions of sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-09
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-08-20 11:54:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8247821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellmalik/pseuds/hellmalik
Summary: "justin kissed him softly, his hand grabbing onto brian's hair, tightening slightly.. and the tv shut off. brian's hands held onto the front of justin's shirt and he barely put any distance between them to get a quick look at the tv. "piece of shit." justin snorted unattractively and all the lights in the flat went out with a high crackling sound."a superpower!au





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kinneyb](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinneyb/gifts), [Emms](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emms/gifts).



> this is the longest fic i've ever posted, lets hope it doesn't suck!! 
> 
> it hasn't been beta'ed, so any mistakes are my own. i don't own anything. 
> 
> thanks to deja for being patient and a great cheerleader from the moment i had this crazy idea, love you! and a massive thanks to emma for being alright with a weird facetime session filled with cryptic super power talks and a lot of confusion regarding physics and biology. you're the best m8, miss you always. 
> 
> (title from watercolour by pendulum)

joan never explained anything. she never gave brian a history lesson on their family's background, she never told him why they were different. she was quick to let him know that he wasn't allowed to talk to anyone about what went on in their home though, and jack had followed it up with a rough grip around his arm and a hard shake. but they never explained _why_. 

as a result brian found himself crying his eyes out at the age of 7 because he felt excluded and unimportant. his parents had been thrilled when it happened to claire, they had spent a large amount of time with her, had helped her control it and use it properly (in their own strict way). 

claire had sat him down and explained to him that _they'll tell you everything when it happens to you, don't worry_ , afterwards she ruffled his hair harshly and locked him in his room for an hour. 

so brian stopped asking, knew that they wouldn't give anything away before he showed signs of getting his. he watched from afar how claire got better, _stronger_ and he longed for the day where he would be part of it all. he knew his parents were disappointed in him, his mom having told him that he needed to ask god for help in finding that special place inside where he could unlock the box and it would flow out of him. and brian really tried, he tried everyday, tried to reach deep within himself to find that box, but it never happened. and he got older and older, and his parents became more horrible for each day he was still _normal_. 

brian wished for his powers to show every single day until his 18th birthday. 

-

(claire had never before used her powers on brian. he had seen her use it on others, had seen their heads snap up and their hands coming up to block their ears, had seen their pained expression when everything got too loud. one sunday after mass at church he had seen claire's eyes focus on a small group of teenagers standing just outside on the sidewalk. before he knew it, her fists had clenched and two of the girls were transported to the hospital in a frenzy, blood slowly tickling from their ears. 

he was (un)lucky enough to experience her powers on himself when he was 14. they had just moved to a new house, and while everyone was busy with the moving madness brian found himself a new friend in michael. michael had been worshipping him from the start and he was basking in the attention. if he couldn't get it from home, he was okay with finding it elsewhere. 

they had been sitting on brian's bed, listening to music and talking about the guy who had pushed michael into a locker the day before, when michael declared them best friends and told brian that he would do anything for him. claire had burst into the room, her eyes focused on brian and he had known right then and there, what was about to happen. he had met her eyes, determined not to let her see how scared he was, when the music got louder and louder. the sound of the drums echoed in his skull, pushing from the inside out and his hands twitched where they were gripping onto his ankles. the voice turned shrill and high-pitched, but brian only let his eyes narrow and continued to stare down his sister. 

michael had ended it with an awkward laugh, he had no idea what had just happened and the volume turned down to normal again when claire broke their eye contact to look at michael. when she left the room he was quick to turn off the music completely. 

brian had since then tried to stay clear of her path as much as possible, had learned long ago that her powers were connected to jealousy. he had heard enough screaming and crying after the times she had hurt someone to make that connection. so he stopped telling his family how he was doing in school, what he wanted to do in life, how everything was looking up for him (without any help from them) and he started practically living with michael, sleeping on the air mattress debbie had put up next to michael's bed.) 

(when joan entered a room the temperature dropped dramatically, the air would suddenly bite your skin, your hands would slowly turn blue. brian had once asked how no one noticed, how she could visit friends and go to church and no one would know she was the one making the temperature drop. her eyes hardened instantly and he got sent off to bed with a smack on his bum and her loud voice chasing him up the stairs, telling him to stay in his room unless he wanted a real beating when his dad got home. (brian stayed in his room the rest of the night, didn't even dare venture out when he could smell dinner getting cooked, and hid underneath his bed when the front door opened and his dad's heavy footsteps echoed in the hallway downstairs). 

later brian came to the conclusion that people didn't notice because joan didn't show them. she was careful to keep her powers in control at all times when she left the house, she had a reputation to uphold after all, but at home she didn't bother hiding her feelings towards her family (brian remembered a time she was sitting in the kitchen and he had walked in. at first she hadn't noticed him and the room had been comfortable enough, but when he coughed and her head snapped up towards him the temperatures dropped more than ever and he left the kitchen with clattering teeth and goosebumps all up his arms). brian's suspected her powers were connected to hatred.)

(the only conversation brian remembered having had with his grandmother had been the most enlightening conversation in terms of powers. which was definitely saying something. she had told him that his father had gotten _heat_. they had all been fascinated at first, so fucking proud of him and they had been working hard on getting him into the right mindset, had trained with him every day, because heat was a strong power. they quickly realized his power was connected to anger.

brian remembered her telling him about the massive search they had had for someone he could marry, someone who could balance his power and maybe cancel it out. enter joan byrne.

they had been impressed, both by her power and her personality. his grandparents had the utmost belief in her, that her power would dampen those of jack's, that they would match and fit together like puzzle pieces, like soul mates. they got married not even a year later and listening to his grandmother ramble about them he realized she didn't know a single thing about their relationship or marriage. 

jack's power hadn't dampened in the slightest, but they hadn't overpowered joan's either, which made for a very sultry atmosphere in their home. on the worst days it was suffocating to be in the house and brian was quickly out the door, brisk steps leading him to michael's house. 

brian would often feel flames licking at his heels the older he got. every hit or nickname was followed by a burning sensation on his skin. he could feel jack's eyes following him when his jeans got tighter and michael stopped by late at night to pick him up for their nights out, could feel the heat surrounding him, and tried not to think about what emotion it was all connected to. 

he moved out the first chance he got.) 

\- 

brian had lost all hope of getting his powers when he turned 18, but it seemed his mother wasn't done hoping that his powers would erupt from his fingertips one day. she would call him every sunday (and brian would leave it ringing every sunday) to update him on their lives, how well claire was handling her powers, how his dad did at work, who had married who last weekend, who had behaved badly enough to be frozen out from the higher ups. brian would listen back on his machine, smoke in hand, and delete the message as soon as the beep sounded, signaling the end of the voicemail. he never called her back. and the day he turned 20 the calls stopped coming through, his phone was silent on sundays (save for michael calling to see if he had survived through the hangover or if the trick had been good enough to stay for breakfast (they never were)) and his mother stopped caring. 

from then on the only updates on his family he got was from the novotny's. michael would tell brian when he had walked past the church and joan had walked out with the minister, he would tell brian when he had run into claire at the big Q, where he had started working on saturdays, and debbie would let him know when she had seen jack stumbling through the streets in the early morning hours, trying to navigate his way home after too many drinks.

(michael had seemed both excited and hesitant to tell brian when claire had walked through the baby section at the big Q with a big, gruff man, obvious baby bump underneath her oversized shirt. brian had known exactly who the man was, joan had found him for claire right around the time her powers started showing, and he chuckled humorlessly at the image of claire pregnant, trying her hardest to figure out the baby's powers alongside joan before it was even born, of her with a baby in her arms, _changing diapers_.) 

(brian wasn't invited to their wedding and he was never invited over to see the baby when it was finally born. he didn't go to visit his sister in the hospital either.) 

but over time michael and debbie stopped trying to update him on his so-called family. michael stopped mentioning when claire did her shopping in the big Q and debbie stopped asking him to go home for a short visit.  
brian stopped thinking about them, they obviously weren't thinking about him as long as he was still powerless.

-

when brian ran into his dad in the middle of the night on a dark street corner he had nothing to say. jack, on the other hand, who had had a lot more to drink by the looks of it, had a bunch of stuff to tell brian about. he talked about how the house was covered in a light fog more days than not, how joan tried to sneak bailey into her morning coffee when he wasn't looking ( _honestly sonny boy, she should learn to get her drinks at the bar like normal people_ ), how great his first grandson was, how idiotic claire's husband was even though he could break people's bones with just a flick of his fingers, how much money he had just won playing pool against dan at the bar. brian stopped listening before jack even started talking. jack asked about his powers just before they reached the kinney house and brian gritted his teeth before helping him up the steps and holding out an arm he could grab onto if he needed help keeping his balance while getting his keys out. 

when he left the house he knew there was no point in trying to reach his own shitty apartment, being alone didn't sound very appealing when he noticed the sun rising in the distance, so he headed for debbie's place. he made a quick stop at a dark and dirty bar to throw back a long row of shots on his way there, and he woke up with an ache in his neck from lying on the too-short sofa all night. 

debbie made him eggs and bacon before leaving for work the next morning and her eyes looked way too knowing for his liking. he knew they had talked before he fell asleep, but he couldn't for the life of him remember what about. he didn't ask, he just hoped he hadn't said anything about powers. 

-

brian met lindsay when they were both highly intoxicated at a college party. he had almost had to carry her back to her college room and he slept on the floor next to her bed to make sure she didn't choke on her own vomit in her sleep. the morning rolled around and he was rudely awakened when she stepped on his arm in her hurry to get to the bathroom before the contents of her stomach came up. 

when she emerged from the bathroom, glass full of water in her left hand, her right hand clinging to the doorframe, she gave him a weird look. 

"who are you?" 

brian had adjusted his jeans (they were tight, uncomfortable and digging into his hipbones) while sitting up, back against the bed. 

"brian kinney, i helped you home last night, remember? we had a smoke together on the balcony." her face looked closed off, her eyes very confused. 

"i'm a lesbian," she said defensively. "helping me home won't get you anywhere." 

brian snorted so hard he feared he would actually vomit as well. he coughed and tried to keep the bile down. smooth. 

"don't worry, pussy isn't my thing." 

lindsay's shoulder's relaxed with a sigh of relief and she sat down next to him. she didn't smell like someone who just had her head down the toilet and he was very thankful for that fact. had it been michael sitting next to him, he wouldn't have thought to brush his teeth and brian would have had to excuse himself to go vomit as well. 

they talked about anything and everything, but mainly nothing, and brian left her room when she climbed back into her bed to sleep off the hangover. 

-

as much as brian tried he couldn't completely ignore thoughts of his family. 

every time he sat foot in babylon, the music pounding loud, moving the bodies on the dance floor back and forth, he was reminded of the look on claire's face before people crumbled at her feet, hands covering their ears. a normal winter day in pittsburgh had nothing on the frost creeping up the walls at the kinney household whenever he and his mother were in the same room. the sizzling sounds of the frying pan at the diner only reminded him of how fire was licking at his back whenever his dad had actually been home. remembering all of these things, meant that he couldn't forget his lack of powers either. 

the first person he ever told was lindsay. 

they had met up for coffee a couple of times since the first night, she had rambled about one issue with society after the other and he had tried to care for a while, but it was hard following her train of thought when it was so much easier eye-fucking the barista or the guy at the table next to them. but lindsay either didn't notice or didn't care. 

she kept coming around his place, kept banging on his door at different times at day. he had his doubts in the beginning when she would just lay down on his bed while he studied, but she could apparently keep quiet as a mouse. brian really appreciated that in people. 

lindsay had fallen hard and sudden for a girl named georgia in her arts class not long after brian had met her. there was a party at georgia's friend's house and lindsay had dragged both brian and michael with her by their ears. brian had told her _no_ so many times he had lost count, he had no intention of mingling with _art munchers_ , but lindsay hadn't cared very much for how he wanted to spend his night. michael had looked worried on from the sidelines when lindsay almost jumped brian and put him in a headlock, before she pushed both of them out the door. (had it been michael dragging him along to something like this, he would have declared their friendship over and done). 

but when they got to the party it turned out georgia was very much in a relationship and lindsay got more drunk than ever. brian and michael pulled her along to woody's when her face turned slightly green from nausea, her eyes rolling around without focus, some of her black hair plastered to her cheek. after an hour at woody's michael abandoned them to go see his mother at the diner and brian was left with lindsay who had started to sober up a bit. brian had made sure she was drinking only water (he did not need vomit on his shoes and she was definitely not staying at his place tonight). 

"i'm staying with you tonight." 

dammit. 

"you're not." 

"i am. i don't wanna be alone." 

brian sighed and got up from the chair he was sitting on. there was no point in staying if he couldn't leave her alone at the table to go get a blow job in bathroom and he couldn't go home without her either. he grabbed her hand and they left without another word (brian looked longingly at the bathroom towards the left, gorgeous man after gorgeous man visible when the door opened, then disappeared when it shut again). 

lindsay kept her hand in his on the entire way home and that was how jack found them when he walked around the corner right when they were about to enter brian's building. 

"sonny boy!" brian clenched his eyes for a moment, willing his anger down. he knew jack had had too much to drink, he wouldn't have visited him in the middle of the night (at any point of day really) if he had been sober. there was something unreal about seeing him outside the building were he lived, none of his relatives had visited him after he moved out. lindsay looked up and brian saw the moment jack's eyes landed on their intertwined hands. 

"who's this then?" jack smiled, arms spread wide. brian could see how he puffed out his chest, how he finally looked brian right in the eye (he hadn't done that since brian was 16 and had beat up some guy at school for bullying michael. he wouldn't say jack knew he wouldn't take their shit forever, but it was like he finally realized brian might actually fight back from the abuse if pushed hard enough), but it could have been either because of lindsay or because of the alcohol. brian figured a bit of both. 

lindsay introduced herself and brian quickly slipped her the key to his apartment with a pointed look upwards, _please just go upstairs_ , and he was grateful she had sobered up somewhat. he couldn't deal with a drunk lindsay _and_ drunk jack while he himself had had a couple of drinks. it would bring a headache too great to survive. 

"she's pretty," jack mumbled when lindsay had excused herself to go upstairs. brian kept his head held high and grunted. 

"go home." 

"what? i can't come see you now?" brian was surprised to actually see jack looking confused for a moment. he started walking backwards towards the front door, wanting to escape as soon as possible. he didn't give his dad a reply. he had almost reached the door and was ready to turn around and push it open when jack spoke again, "have you got it yet?"

brian felt his heart skip a beat and his stomach contracted painfully.

"i don't want them." 

jack laughed, the joy was easily spotted on his face, "yeah, you do. but you're not gonna get them. you're too old for them to show now." 

the knots in his stomach untangled and he hurried up the stairs without a single look back. hopefully jack had been too drunk to remember anything when he woke up the next day. brian wasn't one to back down from a fight, but the question had caught him off guard, had reminded him that while he might have seemed like just anybody, he was far from it. he was born to have powers and they still hadn't come. 

he hadn't ever heard about anyone who had gotten too old before their powers showed and therefore hadn't been able to get them. jack was probably just lying, what did he know anyway? his had come when he was just 6 years old, he never had anything to worry about. 

lindsay had fluffed the pillows and brought over the ones from his beat down sofa as well when he reached his bedroom. she had burrowed one of his sweaters from the back of his closet and was sat facing him when he came in. she didn't say anything, for which he was grateful, and kept picking her nails while he got ready to join her on the bed. when all the lights were out and their heart rates had slowed down, lindsay whispered a _do you wanna talk about it?_ into the dark and brian couldn't keep it down anymore. 

he told her about how on really bad days his fingers would be blue and he would wear 3 shirts just to try and stay warm, how he sometimes heard sounds a little bit louder whenever claire looked at him, how jack smacked him around the head when he wore tight jeans, then proceed to heat up the entire house until michael came over to pick him up and brian was a sweaty mess with a sore cheek when he walked out the door. he told her about his lack of powers and about the possibility of him not ever getting them at all. throughout his word vomit she stayed quiet, she didn't comment on anything and he didn't feel her move more than once. she could have fallen asleep and brian wouldn't even know it. 

when he was finally done, when his words had finally run out, his voice hoarse, this throat scratchy, and he had nothing left to say, she was quiet for a moment before telling him goodnight. she leaned over and kissed his cheek, then she put her head on his shoulder and they fell asleep not long after, lindsay deep in thought, brian completely exhausted. 

-

(lindsay never asked _why_ or _how_ , she just accepted it for what it was)

\- 

(brian researched powers online sometimes. he tried hard to figure out if he was suppose to be without them forever, or if he might still be able to get them. but he never found anything. 

all power related subjects just led him back to superheros and michael's giant stack of comics, which wasn't even remotely like what his family had.

(he had looked through them more than once though, just to make sure that he wouldn't find anything useful in there. it was easier to compare the powers of his family to those the villains had, but he didn't have enough room left in his brain to try and work that one out.) 

so brian figured it had to do with genes. maybe his DNA had a glitch and he was the odd one out.)

(being the odd one out of the kinney family didn't seem like such a bad thing, even if it meant he would have to be absolutely normal for the rest of his life.)

\- 

"brian?"

"hmm?" 

"do you think the baby is gonna get powers?" 

"no." 

"if it does, i'm gonna have to tell mel, you know." 

"your baby won't get powers, trust me." 

\- 

(some days it felt like brian's heart was on fire. the first time he could remember it ever happening, he had been sitting in a booth with michael and his new roommate, emmett, at the diner. he had looked up from his sandwich and caught michael's eye across the table, emmett was turned towards the drag queen standing next to their table, to have a very loud and animated conversation, and brian's heartbeat sounded in his own ears, his chest burning from within. the fire had died down as quickly as it had appeared. 

mostly it happened on his days in the loft when lindsay would visit without her muncher girlfriend. they would lay on the couch, arms or legs touching, lindsay's head on his shoulder and his heart would catch on fire. there was a twitch in his fingers, a scratch underneath his skin that he couldn't reach. but it would die down almost immediately after it had appeared. 

he was sure he was about to die. it wasn't worth taking a trip to visit the doctors though.

\- 

brian was 29 when he met justin. 

if you had asked him before, he would have said that there was no point in forming new friendships at that age, he already had the perfect amount of friends and he didn't do relationships. so really, justin had no place in his life. 

but justin was a persistant little shit. much younger than brian would have liked if he was honest. also he made the burning in his chest hotter and hotter every day. it should have been a warning, but brian was apparently too busy _fucking_ the kid to notice anything. 

(brian didn't do boyfriends, but something about justin drew him in. there was something amazing about the boy, who could (and would) challenge him on every level, who took to heart when brian was mean, but would come back two days later without saying anything, eyes and hands always loving, confident and soft. it scared the shit out of him.) 

-

(when debbie dubbed justin _sunshine_ , brian was shocked to see justin allow it. it seemed almost too much, even for a little blond twink like him, but he never complained. he seemed to almost enjoy the nickname. 

(when brian had started wearing a leather jacket at the age of 17, debbie had been quick to call him _danny zuko_. brian had threatened to not come around anymore if she kept calling him that.) 

but justin _was_ sunshine. he was warm and pleasant and everything nice that brian could think of. he felt comfortable whenever justin stayed over, he had trouble holding back personal things and there were times he could feel his face doing something weird, but he tried his hardest not too think too much about those times. 

rolling off of justin after an intense orgasm and just lying next to him in the dark felt exactly like being spread out on the beach in miami on a hot summer day. he could feel justin's body heat next to him, could hear the smile in his voice when he told him about what he and daphne had been up to that day, and no clouds blocked the sun. 

walking through babylon it was hard to miss his blond hair moving up and down on the dance floor, it was difficult to not check up on him too often. he was easily spotted, it wasn't brian's fault his eyes caught on the shine of his blond hair more often than not. 

he was drawn to him, and when winter rolled around brian tried to stay even closer than before. he had tried pulling further away more than once but the cold reminded him of his mother, so he stopped. he stopped pulling away so violently and let the burn in his chest take over.) 

(when justin smiled at him, he felt the heat of a thousands suns shining down on him)

-

"is everything okay?" 

brian narrowed his eyes before turning towards justin. he had been looking through approximately a thousand different pictures for a new campaign he was working on, while justin sat peacefully on the sofa with his sketchbook. if brian was completely honest with himself he had probably looked more at justin than the pictures that took up all space on his massive table. his heart had burned a couple of times. 

"why wouldn't it be?" 

"you keep doing that thing with your hand," justin tilted his head and gave a pointed look at brian's right hand which was covering the left side of his chest. 

"i'm fine," his heart burned again. he drummed his fingers against the table top to try and rid himself of the restlessness he suddenly felt. 

"you sure about that?" justin had stood up and was walking towards him, he held out a hand and grabbed onto his arm when he reached him. 

"nothing a good fuck won't be able to cure," brian straightened up and looked over the top of justin's head. "i'm gonna go out." 

(there was something about the way justin treated him that made him want to run away (but also to stay, which was totally besides the point). he figured it was because the heart burns was getting worse whenever justin was around) 

justin looked skeptical for a moment before announcing he would be ready to leave with him after he had had a shower and a change of clothes. 

another heart burn. he clenched his hands. 

-

gus was a little miracle baby, well at least according to lindsay and melanie. he was wonderful and bright, and brian was suppose to be so _proud_ of him, only he couldn't stop thinking about whether or not the kid was gonna get powers. he could get them and brian would have to face the fact that his DNA missed something and that he was definitely the black sheep of the family (even though he already knew he was). 

brian tried not spending too much time with the kid. he wasn't old enough to understand anything about the situation other than the fact that food came from boobs, sleeping through the night was a shit thing and that if he cried when he had pooped, then it would get cleaned up quickly after that. so brian mostly stayed out of the picture. 

(he wasn't _scared_ of gus, more afraid he would trigger the power part of his son and would end up the only kinney without powers. the great brian kinney. the powerless brian kinney) 

but lindsay never seemed to visit him without the kid anymore, so brian sucked it in and played with him whenever he was around. and no powers came through. gus was still too young to be able to express if he felt something weird happening inside himself though, so brian kept living in fear of the future. 

_he's special_ , lindsay told him one day and brian prayed to a god that never listened, that _special_ didn't mean _powerful_. 

-

brian woke up one morning to an empty apartment. there was a bundle of clothes lying crumpled next to justin's side of the bed (one sock had been forgotten on the stairs), a couple of papers stuffed together hastily on the coffee table along with four pens, and there was scrambled eggs on a plate in the fridge for him. a normal saturday morning. justin had left for work before brian even opened his eyes and (looking at the clock on his desk) he knew he wouldn't be home for at least another 6 hours. 

while he was sat eating, his eyes traveling around the loft, the fire in his heart suddenly came to life, quickly followed by the twitch in his fingers, the restlessness hiding just beneath his skin. he furrowed his brows when the burn in his heart disappeared but left the twitching and restlessness behind.  
justin's forgotten sock was still lying on the stairs.

from then on he couldn't sit still. he went to take a shower but he felt uncomfortable in his own skin, and got out, threw on the first thing he saw and went to the gym to burn off some energy. but when he came home the itch was still there, his body jittery and restless. 

he tried to calm down by grabbing a bottle of alcohol from the cabinet behind his desk and downing a couple of gulps. and then another gulp, and another.. _and another_. 

when justin finally came home, brian was more than a little tipsy, reruns of some old detective show running on the tv in front of him, his leg bouncing up and down, hands never still. he looked up when the door to the loft unlocked and his eyes followed justin on his way towards him. 

"hey," justin's smile was soft, his hair sticking up in all directions (he had fallen asleep with it wet the night before, too exhausted to let it dry before throwing himself on the bed, duvet pulled up high). 

justin kissed him softly, his hand grabbing unto brian's hair, tightening slightly.. 

and the tv shut off. 

brian's hands held onto the front of justin's shirt and he barely put any distance between them to get a quick look at the tv. 

"piece of shit." 

justin snorted unattractively and all the lights in the flat went out with a high crackling sound. 

"huh, that's weird," justin pulled away and walked to the cupboards behind the desk to retrieve a flashlight. brian got up and edged around the sofa to not stub his toes against anything. they went around the loft and tried all the light switches before acknowledging the fact that _nothing_ worked and they went to bed. 

sex in the dark was always fun. 

(brian woke up to the entire loft bright and full of light) 

\- 

(brian's heart kept burning. justin moved in)

-

lindsay invited him over for coffee and brian turned up an hour too late, because justin had insisted on blow jobs in the shower. she wasn't pissed at all, didn't even comment on the fact that he was late. she just invited him in, poured a cup of coffee and handed him the plate of cookies absentmindedly. 

"where's the hubby?" brian sat down the plate of cookies without taking one. lindsay laugh sounded strange and forced to his ears. she hesitated before replying. 

"she's a work," her hands were tangled and kept moving in her lap, her eyes moving around, trying not to look at brian. something was definitely wrong. he gave her a minute to try and spit it out, but nothing happened. the coffee was getting cold. 

"wha-" 

she was quick to interrupt him, "something's happened." 

the gears in brian's head started turning. 

"what happened?" he sounded very suspicious to his own ears. she finally made eye contact and he could see how she braced herself. 

"can we talk about powers?" her voice was small, her smile strained like she was scared he was gonna run out (which he felt like doing, but he stayed put). 

"why the fuck would we do that?" 

"gus has them." 

brian felt cold all over, but his heart burned bright as a flame (the radio cackled, scratched and came back to life). he could feel both of his parents breathing down his neck. flashes of claire laughing in her room after one of her friends had fled the house screaming bloody murder with hands covering her small ears, of joan stumbling drunk into his room in the middle of the night, her voice shrill and strong, telling him how much of a disappointment he was for not having his powers yet at the age of 10 while the frost covered up the walls, of the way jack's back hand heated up his left cheek while his temper heated up the room around him when brian talked too much about michael. 

brian felt all energy leave his body. if gus had them, then there really was something wrong with him. he sighed deeply. lindsay gave a small, nervous laugh. 

"yesterday he was sitting in his high chair and he threw a chunk of mashed potatoes on the floor. he must have found the sound amusing and when i turned around to clean it all up the mashed potatoes weren't on the ground, but it floated in the air next to his chair," lindsay talked very quietly, almost like she was ashamed to tell him. "i didn't believe it at first, but it could be powers, couldn't it?" 

"yeah, it's fucking powers," brian stood up from the sofa. "where is he?" 

"it's nap time."

"the next time he does it, you call me right away." 

\- 

(lindsay didn't call him the next time because brian was there to witness it. lindsay had dragged him to the park with them and brian had seen the joy on gus' face before the ball in front of him lifted up into the air like it was a fucking balloon. 

brian grabbed gus, hoisted him up onto his hip and they were out of the park before anyone had noticed what happened) 

("you can't tell melanie." 

"i have to, brian!" 

"no, you don't." 

"then how would you have me explain to her how our son can make things levitate?" 

"then just make sure to keep her the fuck away from me afterwards.") 

-

justin was squeezed in-between michael and ted on the bench across the table from him. brian himself was almost plastered against the window to make room for emmett and melanie on his own bench. emmett was yapping on about how he had been _swept away by a hottie on a motorbike_ the night before when he left babylon, to which melanie had supplied stories about her golden days riding with the dykes on bikes gang. 

brian had mostly tuned them out and was watching the rain pour down outside, thinking of how he could get home without getting soaked when he felt something bump into his foot. he kicked back and heard justin's faint _hmpf_ before his legs were tangled with one of justin's. he looked up at him with a raised eyebrow (michael watched him with confusion from across the table) and justin just smiled back. 

he could feel his heart beating faster (which was almost pathetic) when justin's foot started rubbing his left calf. it was quite uncomfortable with the massive sneakers justin was wearing but brian's heart heated up. he twitched his right hand on the way to grab his cup of coffee (he had to so _something_ with his hands) when justin winked at him. he looked fucking dumb but before brian could tell him that, there was a sharp, blinding pain in his heart and a lighting struck outside. the entire diner was lit up through the windows. emmett jumped next to him and ted spilled his diet coke over the leftovers of his burger. justin had grabbed the edges of the table, knuckles white from the pressure. 

brian didn't say anything for the rest of lunch and justin didn't touch him again. 

\- 

brian started to suspect something weird was going on when justin play wrestled with him in the bathroom one morning and one of the lightbulbs over the mirror burst. they both stopped wrestling and looked up. 

"you really need to change all your lights, they are completely fucked," justin walked towards the door on tiptoes, careful not to step on anything. 

brian followed him out and heard him rummage around in the kitchen for something to sweep up with. he really did have to figure out what the hell was wrong with his lights, and his tv which flickered from time to time, so he called up an electrician. 

it didn't do much, the guy couldn't find anything wrong with either his lights or his tv, so brian fucked him on the sofa before justin came home from school. 

-

brian got even more suspicious when he and justin were walking home from babylon one night. they were passing a bar with lights stringed around the windows and around their sign above the door (idiots, christmas was long gone), justin had been telling brian about how two bulky men had sandwiched him on the dance floor while brian was out back with some dark adonis, how they had been all over him. he was definitely exaggerating their sizes, but it didn't matter, brian knew how these things went. 

justin laughed bright and loud, brian's heart burned hot enough to almost make him double over in pain and the stringed lights crackled. they flickered violently for a moment before blackening. 

justin's eyes were huge. 

"what is up with the lights in this city?" he chuckled and took brian's hand to pull him along. behind them the lights flickered back to life while brian's heart burned in his chest. 

something was definitely very wrong, and brian almost didn't dare hope he was the one causing problems with the electricity. 

-

(lindsay told melanie and brian didn't die. she didn't chop his ball off, she didn't tear his head from his body, she didn't even turn up at the loft to yell at him. instead she started to avoid him even more than usual, which was _weird_ to say the least. one time when he was high he came up with the theory that she was scared. she probably thought he had hidden powers he never told lindsay about, that he would suddenly turn into some dark and mystical creature. (he had laughed at himself before pressing justin against the hard and unforgiving floor, breath coming in pants). 

lindsay called him every few days to tell him every time gus made something fly. some days she sounded proud, happy that her little son was almost magical, and other days she sounded frustrated and scared. and he didn't blame her, hell he had lived with three powerful people for 18 years and he didn't know shit about how to work any of this out. 

so to every _what do we do?_ he could only reply _you just deal with it_.) 

-

brian was sat in front of the tv when there was a knock the door. justin, who had been curled up on the sofa with a cup of hot chocolate next to him, got up with a sigh when brian didn't move. 

"it's your apartment, you know." 

"yeah well, you live here too." 

justin's grumbles faded the closer he got to the door. the sound of the door being dragged to the side overpowered the dialog from the tv and brian lost focus. 

"um, hi? what can i help you with?" brian almost turned around to save him from what could only be some old trick wanting to hook up again, when a high female voice sounded. 

"oh, hello." 

brian froze on the sofa. he didn't even know claire had his new address. 

"is brian here?" 

shit. 

he got up and walked swiftly to the door. justin had turned around to face him, claire didn't smile when she saw him coming towards them. she just barged in and justin was left having to close the door, confused expression on his face. 

"claire, how nice of you to drop by," his voice was coated in sugar, the smile on his face too wide to be real. justin, who had a newfound appreciation of brian's _funny side_ , snickered and the lights flashed brightly. claire raised her eyebrows and stared her brother down. brian braced himself for the volume to go up but nothing happened. 

"daddy's sick." 

brian could see justin's confusion, the way he was standing awkwardly at the door. brian shrugged. 

"alright, so he's sick. why are you telling me for?" 

"family business." 

"well i''m not part of any family business, remember?" 

claire turned her head slightly to check if justin was still there, her lips pressed tightly together. brian sighed dramatically.

"justin," he looked up at the sound of brian's voice. "weren't you suppose to meet up with daphne today?" 

"oh yeah, um, i'm just gonna go," he fumbled with his shoe for a moment before stumbling out of the door and shutting it behind himself with a bang. brian was almost a hundred pro cent sure he was just standing on the other side, trying to listen in on their conversation. 

"you've got it," brian met claire's eyes. "don't bother lying, i can feel it." 

he sighed, "so what if i have?" 

she recoiled slightly from the sharpness of his voice. the tough facade she had put up was crumbling. 

"daddy's really sick, he lost his." brian could only imagine the temperature in the house now. of course he was fucking sick. losing his powers and then having to live in a freezer, yeah, he was definitely going to die. he didn't reply. 

"i'll make sure to tell the others." brian watched her from his spot near the kitchen when she turned around and left without closing the door. justin crept back inside not even two minutes later. 

-

(joan was the first to contact him. the next day there was a voicemail on his answering machine, inviting him over for lunch the following weekend. brian ignored it. so she left another one. which he also ignored. 

he should have known he couldn't avoid her forever. 

she turned up at the loft late on a wednesday evening with claire hot on her heels. brian schooled his face into the most bored expression he could manage before letting them in. the temperature dropped drastically. 

"claire tells me you've got good news!" his mother's enthusiasm was definitely fake. she was long over caring for her only son. brian just pulled a beer from the fridge. luckily it was justin's night shift at the diner. 

"you could have told me, instead of ignoring all my messages," joan sounded disappointed. he took another gulp of his beer. "are you not gonna talk to me? what is this childish behavior?" 

"what do you want me to say?" he could see claire walking around, almost on tiptoes, to get a good look at everything. she was probably trying to figure out what she could steal without him noticing it was gone. his mother narrowed her eyes at him. 

"what have you got then?" 

"i don't know." 

"the lights flickered the last time i was here," claire added from next to the desk. _thank you very much_. joan's eyes widened. 

"oh? lights? that's.." she hesitated. "that's good. different." 

he huffed inside his own head, _lights, as if. if she only knew_. her smile was tight and brian rolled his shoulders. he couldn't feel his fingers in the cold. he figured she was disappointed he couldn't hurt people like the rest of his family. 

"use them now, i wanna see what we're working with," claire said on her way back to the kitchen. her eyes were focused on him, intent on noticing every little detail. brian snorted. 

"i can't. it doesn't work like that." 

they both looked at him in confusion. 

"what do you mean? use them," claire said with more force. 

"i couldn't even if i wanted to." 

his heart seemed stone cold, not even a tiny flame was to track within him. so they left without having got the answers they came for and for that brian felt very successful. thank _fuck_ he had no idea how to work these fucking powers. it wasn't until later when justin came home and the oven turned on by itself that brian realized _he_ never asked any questions. having powers meant being entitled to the right answers. he just wan't sure it was worth the cold his mother brought along.) 

-

melanie and lindsay decided on having another baby. melanie was quick to veto brian as the donor, saying _i can't deal with three of his kind_ , which had turned into a massive fight, leaving lindsay sleeping on brian's sofa for four days. 

so they turned to michael, who was happy to provide the missing link in making a baby and before brian had looked around, melanie was bigger than lindsay had ever been. leave it to tiny michael to create a fucking giant. 

lindsay started bringing gus around more and more often because she was sure it would have some kind of positive influence of gus' powers. brian kept reminding her that he didn't have any, but she talked about DNA and genes and _family_ so brian went along with it. it turned out gus wasn't bad company at all. 

-

(when brian finally told lindsay about his powers she kissed his cheek, slapped his bum and advised him to go and tell justin) 

-

the conversation went a little something like this: 

brian had justin pressed tightly against him on the dance floor in babylon. some guy kept on trying to put his arms around justin's waist from behind and brian kept sneering, if only looks could kill. 

with justin's hot _sunshine_ body up close, his happiness running wild with the high amount of drugs he had consumed and the thumping music all around them, he told justin that he was _powerful_. 

justin laughed and wrapped himself even tighter around brian. 

"i know you are," he grinded harder against him. "everybody here wants you." 

brian laughed along with him, hands gripping onto his shoulders. justin looked radiant like this; with a slight sheen of sweat on his upper lip, long blond hair flopping every time he moved up and down to the beat, the bright lights over them making his skin glisten. brian caught a glimpse of an older guy watching them from the bar. 

"i'm serious," he pressed their foreheads together. close wasn't close enough. "that thing with the lights? i'm the one doing it." 

justin snickered and kept on dancing. 

after a glorious blow job in the back room justin took him by the hand and they were soon outside in the mild night air. they snogged against the wall outside of babylon for the minute before continuing on their way home. 

when justin told him about the new exhibition for charity he had been invited to paint for, at the gay and lesbian center, brian's heart skipped a beat, heated up and the street light above them blacked out. justin stopped in his tracks and dropped his hand. 

"are you really doing that?" his eyes were wide, the street light further down the street was casting a dim light onto his face. brian smirked. 

"seems like it." 

"do it again!" justin's face lit up in pure happiness, and brian's heart gave another kick and the red lights in the window of the shop behind brian gave out. justin laughed and brian grabbed his hand again. getting home suddenly seemed urgent. 

\- 

the next time joan turned up at the loft she was alone, bottle of cheap ass wine clasped in her skinny hands. she put it down on the kitchen counter and smiled stiffly at her son. goosebumps rose on his bare arms and not just from the cold air suddenly filling his apartment. 

the water stopped running in the bathroom and brian could only look on helplessly as she turned to watch justin emerge from the bedroom, naked as the day he was born, trying to towel dry his hair. 

"brian, it's fucking freezing in here, did you turn off th-" he stopped dead in his tracks and quickly let the towel drop down to cover his privates. joan made a squeak and turned slowly back to brian who was leaning against the countertop. 

"i thought you were alone," brian only looked at her. "we need to talk." 

"then talk, he's not going anywhere right now as you can see," brian smirked in justin's direction. he had backed up the stairs and escaped back into the bedroom. 

"it's _family business_." 

"nothing he can't hear." 

joan gasped loudly, her hand coming up to cover her mouth. she could almost out-queen emmett at this stage. 

"you told him. it's against the rul-." 

"yeah, and you never told me _anything_ ," brian interrupted her. she closed her mouth and brian swayed slightly from side to side to gain back the feeling in his feet. his fingers drummed against the countertop. 

"you broke the rules," she spat at him. then she grabbed her bag, the bottle of wine, and hurried out the door. when it closed with a bang, justin's head appeared around the edge of the wall to check if they were alone. he grinned, red colour high on his cheeks from embarrassment, his nose red from the cold. the lights flickered and the tv switched channels. 

-

justin was running around throwing random processions into a bag pack, screaming his head off. they had been fighting for about 15 minutes, then half an hour of complete silence broke out and then he had gotten up in a rage and started packing his stuff. 

brian watched him from his place at the desk, justin was being overdramatic. he was used to coming home to brian fucking some trick in the loft, but lately brian had noticed he was getting more and more angry about it. so brian kept pushing, he loved the game and the fighting it all caused. 

but then justin had snapped. and now he was packing. 

justin yelled. brian yelled. and then his heart caught on fire again. 

the tv went off, the volume going up and down, the lights blinked like crazy, the stove turned on and the fire alarm started beeping. 

justin dropped the bag he was holding and sighed heavily. brian managed to count to seven before justin was walking towards him with long strides and they crashed together. 

(they kept it short, the beeping and the flickering lights getting on both their nerves before long)

-

when gus was 4 years old, jenny rebecca was born. brian had agreed to come pick him up when melanie and lindsay had to get to the hospital. 

three days later, when melanie and lindsay were about ready to go home with the baby, brian arrived at the hospital with a nervous little kid, who had been asking all kinds of questions brian had trouble finding answers to (it was getting easier to be around gus because he could almost hold a conversation now. granted of course it was about thomas the train or something equally stupid and pointless). he had had to carry him up to the room because he was too scared to walk by himself and when gus wrapped a tiny hand in the hair on the back of brian's head the bright hospital lights above them flickered four times before settling. 

lindsay kissed him on the cheek and took gus from his arms. melanie was bend over the bed where a tiny bundle of blankets was lying. 

gus wiggled and brian pulled over a chair for him to stand on so that he could get a good look at his new little sister. lindsay mouthed a _thank you_ and set about packing up their stuff while melanie went to the bathroom. 

"i can't believe you're doing this again, i mean, you'd think having a little poop machine once would be enough, but not for you guys, you just _love_ the little shits." 

"language!" lindsay reprimanded him and brian stuck his tongue out at her. 

melanie entered the room and started screaming seemingly out of nowhere. brian turned around and saw gus sitting on the chair looking up towards the ceiling where his new little sister was now floating around. brian was standing still in shock when gus smiled up at him. the kid started giggling when melanie and lindsay turned shrill and loud in their fight to get to their baby, who was flying around just below the ceiling. 

brian had fought the laughter bubbling up inside of him but when gus started screaming with laughter, brian himself couldn't hold it in any longer. the moment he started laughing the monitor by the bed came to life, the little lights blinking like crazy, the needle on the diagram whacked from side to side. the lamp hanging from the ceiling gave a loud crack before dying. 

brian had no choice but to stagger to the door, which he shut firmly and locked from the inside to try and hold out any nurses coming to see what all the commotion was about. there was no way to explain what was happening in the room at this point. 

eventually gus calmed down enough that melanie could grab the baby from where she was standing on the bed. brian dried the tears pooling in the corner of his eyes. 

\- 

brian spotted justin in the rearview mirror. it was hard to see anything from the amount of rain pouring down, but brian knew justin's body, knew every little part of him that he was willing to open for others to see. his head was bend forward to shield his face from the raindrops, his hair completely plastered to his face and neck. brian opened the door to the passenger seat just before justin threw himself inside. the door was smacked closed behind him with a crash. his hair was dripping onto the seat and the headrest behind him, he exhaled heavily. 

"nice entrance." 

"shut up, i'm fucking freezing." 

brian stick his tongue out at him and justin unzipped his jacket to pull out a piece of paper from the pocket inside. it was folded a couple of times and justin's wet fingers let moist patches on the paper.

"we've been working on drawing people showing intense emotion so i did this sketch today. i'm gonna do a larger version to give to mel and linds," he turned the drawing towards brian, who turned the key to start the engine. 

the drawing was of gus playing with his sister, the pure joy on his face was so accurate, looked so much like the real thing that brian's heart burned bright and the car stalled and went out. justin chuckled and scrubbed a hand across his face to get rid of the raindrops that had fallen from his hair onto his face. 

"it's good," brian coughed lightly before turning the key again. 

"yeah? you should see the one i'm doing for the assignment, it's of you," justin's smile was cheeky, the teasing clear in his eyes. a lightning came down hard and loud in the distance. justin turned around to look out the window. 

"wait, was tha-"

brian gassed up and drove off towards the loft before justin could say anything else.

(justin's hand rested on his thigh the entire way home. brian's heart kept burning and the lightings kept crackling in the distance) 

-

(hiding how he felt about justin was suddenly really difficult, which was probably why justin told him not soon after) 

\- 

brian's powers came through completely at around 3am on a saturday. 

justin had pulled him from the back room of babylon before the guy on his knees in front of him had been able to finish him off. he had been grumpy about it but justin, who was a bit drunk, high on life and his favorite songs, had grinned at him all the way outside. he kept mumbling about the pieces of glitter that was stuck to brian's fringe. outside brian had grabbed justin around the middle and blown a silly kiss to michael, who was walking with ben towards the liberty diner, before dragging him towards the street where the jeep was parked. 

justin spun around and threw his arms around brian's neck, his mouth pressing a wet and disgusting kiss to his cheek. he kept his lips attached to his skin and mumbled something too low for brian to hear. 

"you need a good hard fuck, you're being annoying." 

"did you hear what i said?" justin dug his heels in and brian's chest bumped his. they stood still and looked at each other. justin's hand scratched his scalp and if brian was a cat he would have purred (no one had to know that embarrassing little detail). 

"you aren't making any sense, what did you take?" brian pushed him gently backwards, a group of men passed them on the sidewalk and justin smiled up at him. 

"i didn't take anything." 

brian pushed him gently again and their noses touched. 

"come on, sunshine." 

justin's smile widened. 

"i love you." 

brian's entire body felt like it had been dumped into ice cold water, like he had been locked in a room with joan kinney on a really bad day, and his heart skipped a beat. justin huffed out a small laugh and brian felt the air hit his upper lip. they were close enough that brian almost went cockeyed. just in pressed a quick and light kiss to his lips and his heart flared hotter than ever before, had it not been for justin's body pressed up against him, one hand tangled in his hair, he would have crumbled at his feet from the pain. 

the entire street lit up, the lights all over turning brighter and brighter until they gave out. they crackled loudly, some of them burst, others created sparks that rained down all around them, and then the street was dark. the lights behind the windows went out, the lights on liberty avenue snapped, crinkled, and the music in babylon died out. 

the oven in the liberty diner turned off and michael helped debbie clean the floor where she had dropped two pink plate specials when the lights went off. all around brian and justin the world turned off and was quiet for all of 6 seconds where everybody turned around in confusion.

brian just breathed and kept looking at the sparkle in justin's eyes. his heart thumped steadily with _power_ and _love_. 

-

(lindsay, who had been up checking on jr a little while ago, chuckled when her reading light cut out and left the bedroom in completely darkness. she put her book down on the bedside table and pulled the duvet up high under her chin. 

_what the hell had justin done now?_

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what you think x 
> 
> (if you have any questions regarding the powers, the people, anything, just let me know!) 
> 
> come talk to me on tumblr as well: brlankinney 
> 
> thank you so much for reading!


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